yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
