Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it was like eating out sand paper
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
