when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
