Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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