there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
