and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
