The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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