I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
