Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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