so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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