do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
