A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
