the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
