Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
