i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
