Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
