i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
