Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
