My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
