Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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