i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
