Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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