ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
