So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
