Duck Duck Cougar?
time to smoke my breakfast
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
