there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I will pee on everything he values.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
