I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
