you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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