we're blogging at a bar
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
