i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
