Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i permit you to call me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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