Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
