apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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