You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
