You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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