It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
