i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
