Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
