Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
