Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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