why didn't you poke me back
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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