as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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