I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
