When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
