Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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