Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
