I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
