We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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