Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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