Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
