i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
