apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
