billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
