toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
