32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
