perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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