i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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