Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
