what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
