Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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