I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
