why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
